Re-thinking Self-Doubt to Create A More Fulfilling Life

Yesterday, I was jogging up a steep hill while cross-training for the AIDS Life Cycle 545 mile charity bike ride I’ll be riding in this June. As the climb got harder, I was having one of my “What did I think I was doing signing up for this” moments. I huffed and puffed my way through that contracted thought and continued on. Needless to say, in my jump-start training, I will have opportunities aplenty to doubt myself, my capabilities, and my decision to spontaneously sign up for this event with only three months to train. But, I’m not worried. Doubt gets a bad wrap, but I actually think it can be quite helpful on the journey of life. Here are a few things to remember about doubt so you can make your relationship with it less fearful and more fruitful:

• Doubt is necessary. Doubt is the necessary contraction we need before we can experience our next phase of expansion in our personal growth. Just like a caterpillar going into a cocoon before it emerges as a butterfly, or a tree losing its leaves and faring through winter before new spring buds can appear; we, too, must explore our deepest vulnerabilities through self-doubt before we can unveil our greater potential within. Where we go awry is when we allow ourselves to get seduced by the drama of the contraction. It can feel very appealing to stay stuck in something, not because it’s good or healthy for us, but simply because it’s familiar and safe. Instead of attaching yourself to the doubt and believing everything that voice in your head says, use these moments of contraction to remember that you are in a process of growing more towards your authentic self. These contractions, though often painful, are a necessary part of that process before you can birth the latest evolved version of you! So, be patient and keep perspective. We all experience these moments. It’s what you choose to do with them that matters.
  

• Doubt is a catalyst. Doubt creates opportunities for deep self inquiry where you can call into question your current assumptions about you and your life. If you didn’t have these moments of uncertainty, you might never know what you’re truly capabale of accomplishing. Carl Sagan, a famous astronomer once said, “It is the tension between creativity and skepticism that has produced the stunning and unexpected findings of science.” In our quest to better ourselves and “create” our best lives possible, we need to be willing to let go of "certainties" and venture into the unknown where new possibilities and ideas exist for a more fulfilling life. Next time you find yourself in the throws of doubt, try putting all your assumptions aside and ask yourself “What might this doubt be here to teach me? How can I use this moment as an opportunity for learning instead of an opportunity for beating myself up? What’s a small step I can take to put these new insights into action?” These questions may not be so easy to answer at first, but have faith. With time, you’ll learn to love these “spaces in the question.” They are a time in which you can cultivate a more gentle and compassionate relationship with yourself. If it feels too hard to do this on your own, try reaching out to a trusted friend to use as a sounding board.
  

• Doubt is a reality of life, and it has an important role to play in everyone’s journey. You do not have to fear it or think you’re less than for having moments of doubt. When it creeps up, it’s a good reminder to check in with our self-talk, our beliefs, and our assumptions. Are we really being honest with ourselves in our self talk? Are we using these moments of vulnerability as opportunity for increased self-awareness and self-care, or are we just using them as another excuse to beat up on ourselves? Rather than focusing your energy on never doubting yourself again, consider changing your relationship with doubt so that you can invite it in to your process as the wise teacher it can prove to be. You will find it is in these moments that the richest insights and most profound connections to yourself can most easily arise. And that’s what makes life so sweet.
  

Well, that’s all for now my friends. I have another hill to climb…

In peace,

Amy Lombardo
Founder, True Nature Wellness
http://www.truenaturewellness.com/


Be Well ~ Be True ~ Be You

The Up Side of A Down Economy - Three Reasons to Celebrate

While stocks, investments, employment rates, and incomes plummet so too do our moods. It’s hard to go anywhere nowadays without being exposed to this other kind of “Economic Depression.” Its tell tale symptoms include chronic worry, bouts of frustration, and fits of doubt, all complicated by a constant underlying sense of stress. It’s enough to drive even the most optimistic of spirits into a tailspin of negativity.

Yet, even with the bleak state of affairs, there are still reasons to celebrate. “Celebrate” might seem like a strange word to use when people are losing their homes and their jobs, but I think it’s important for us to connect to the deeper potential beneath these trying times so we come out on the other side of this a little wiser, happier, lighter, and more connected to each other than we are now. And certainly that’s a reason to celebrate.

Here are three things you can be celebrating right now, even in the midst of this economic crisis:

1. Reconnecting to the joy of gratitude. A perfect antidote to the stress that comes with the “leaner” financial times is to commit to a daily practice of gratitude. If you can’t remember the last time you truly felt grateful for something (which can happen if you’ve been under a lot of stress), you might have to test this out for a few days before you experience the heart-opening quality of gratitude. With just a little practice though, your body and mind will soon remember the expansive joy that comes with this state of being.

The practice is simple. When you wake up in the morning, list three specific things that you are grateful for. It doesn’t matter how basic or small they may seem. The only catch is that as you state them out loud, you must consciously connect to the feeling of gratitude as you do. What do you notice shifts as you let the experience of gratitude enter the body and mind? Does your breath change? Do you feel lighter? Try this at night too. You can even silently list things throughout the day to sustain a better mood. Make an effort to be specific about what you choose. For example, use “I am grateful for my good friend Sue” versus “I am grateful for my friends and family.” There is more power in specificity, and it helps you to get very clear about just how many great things there truly are in your life, even in this economy. Try it and watch a new lightness unfold!

2. Rediscovering the richness of simplicity. Nowadays, I find myself often thinking back to a volunteer trip I helped organize in post-Katrina New Orleans. I remember standing in a woman’s trailer after she lost everything in the storm and looking at a needlepoint she had made and hung on the side of her small temporary home. She had stitched out in bold white letters the word “SIMPLIFY.” Here she had lost everything and yet by affirming her commitment to remembering what was really important to her, she reminded herself and all of us of the many riches that exist around us every day. These simple pleasures – connecting with family and loved ones; being in nature; sharing memories and laughter; loving and taking care of yourself - deeply enhance the quality of our lives and don’t cost us a dime. I didn’t get the impression that this woman was trying to delude herself or be intensely brave in front of strangers. I just think the starkness of her situation also revealed a great beauty to her. Even amidst the unbelievable challenges she faced, I didn’t sense a woman stuck in a mindset of deprivation or poverty. I saw someone who was deeply connected to the true richness in life. When times are rough like this, we all have this same opportunity available to us to connect to our deepest truth and re-prioritize. What are you going to choose to do with it? How can you more fully connect to the simple pleasures in life, even now, especially now?

3. Revitalizing your community connections. Challenging times are also great times to rekindle ties with your community or make new connections in a gesture of service and support to others. One of the most basic needs of any human being is the need to feel connected. This is especially true when things are stressful or depressing. Without connection, we can too easily feel isolated, disoriented, or lost. Gandhi once said “one of the best ways to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service to others.” When we make an effort to connect, somehow the struggles we face don’t seem quite as difficult if we know we’re in it together. We start to remember our strength comes in part from us remembering and acknowledging our greatest vulnerabilities. We can ask for help. We can reach out a hand in service to another. We can remember we are not alone. We can come up with creative solutions together that we could not imagine alone. Sometimes it takes a bit of chaos or calamity in order for us to see the greater potential that lies within our own hearts and in the hearts of our communities. Take advantage of these times as a reason for you to reach out and connect more deeply with the world around you, and you’ll find you’ll also be connecting more deeply with the world within you as well.

So, keep your chin up! A lot of good can come out of these trying times, and there’s a lot to be happy about right now too. We can use these times to realign with our values and reevaluate our lives so they better reflect who we truly are at our core. We can remember what it’s like to be happy not because of the balance in our bank account, but because of the connections we have in our communities and the gratitude we have in our hearts. We can remind ourselves that “simple” doesn’t mean basic or bland or less than, but rather leads us back to the most authentic joys we can experience as humans. These are rich times indeed. Like the lotus flower in India, great beauty can come from the murkiest, most unlikely places in the swamp. But we must first nurture the seed in order for it to grow!

In peace,

Amy Lombardo
Founder, True Nature Wellness

http://www.truenaturewellness.com/
Be Well ~ Be True ~ Be You

Life After "Yes We Can"

It’s another cold winter day in Manhattan, and I find myself writing my first official blog post ever to share with the masses. It’s a little intimidating, I must admit, to have my words and personal thoughts written down for the whole world to see. What will people think? What if they misinterpret what I’m trying to say? Will anybody care or even read this thing? But, in spite of my first-time-blogging jitters, I am determined as ever to write and share this post because our new world requires brave action. And well, this is what brave action looks like for me right now! So here I go.

Almost two weeks ago now, millions of people the world over witnessed an unbelievable moment in history when Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States. For many, myself included, the inauguration represented the coming of a new era, not just in American politics, but in the way we view ourselves as citizens of this country, and even citizens of this world. As I looked at the throngs of spectators that showed up in the mall that day, I was overcome with emotion. Even through the television set, the sense of unity that the crowd had was palpable. What an exciting moment. I felt connected. Were you to present me with a challenge at that particular moment, no matter what it was, I felt like I could confidently answer you, “Yes I Can!” I was riding the wave of hope that so many of us seemed to feel that day.

But a feeling of hope can sometimes be a fickle thing I’ve noticed. Perhaps it’s the gray sky, the plummeting economy, or this relentless cold I have, but by a few days after the inauguration, I was having a hard time hanging on to that thread of hope as I traversed the slushy streets of this city. Now, I’m not naïve enough to expect that everything will be happy-happy joy-joy now that Barack Obama is President. Nonetheless, the juxtaposition of that “Inauguration high” next to my “January blues” got me to thinking. How are we going to sustain the momentum of this “hope” thing without the energy of an election behind us? We can't ride "the inauguration wave" forever.

To seek solace and look for answers, I went to my bookshelf as I often do. I picked up one of my favorite books called Blessed Unrest by Paul Hawken. I closed my eyes and randomly opened to a page. The first sentence I read said “At the heart of all of this is not technology but relationships, tens of millions of people working towards restoration.” Now, how’s that for an answer? Relationships.

In order for us to sustain the possibility for real change, we can’t just do differently or think differently. We have to relate differently. We have to acknowledge our connectedness with everyone and everything and act from that place of unity, rather than from a divisive mind. We have to remember the African proverb that says “I am me through you.” There’s a little bit of each of us in everyone’s story. Strip away the labels we use to define ourselves -Democrat, Republican, rich, poor - and you’ll see very plainly that beneath them all, we are just one global family. If we can remember that, we won’t need a campaign to mobilize us. We won’t need the excitement of an inauguration to remind us of our inherent goodness and amazing resiliency. And, we’ll be able to weather those times when feelings of hope aren’t quite so prominent.

So, to get the ball rolling on this new era of “relating through unity”, I humbly offer some suggestions:

1. Extend your circle. Introduce yourself to someone not “like you” - find someone you wouldn’t typically hang out with. Ask about their interests or passions. Regardless of how the encounter unfolds, challenge yourself to find some commonality of being the two of you share. Ask yourself “What part of me do I see in him or her?”

2. Practice being a better listener. We’re all guilty at one time or another of “checking out” during a conversation and not really being present. Developing good listening skills takes practice. In your next conversation, practice paraphrasing and repeating back what the person has said to you. Ask them if you understood them correctly. Be genuine. Look at their eyes when they’re speaking to you.

3. Revive the narrative. Ironically, one of the most effective ways we strengthen our sense of oneness with each other is by sharing our unique individual stories. Though the details of our stories may appear different, the common themes of our humanity are weaved together like invisible threads underneath them all. So share together. Listen and tell. Unplug and unhook, and really connect. In this age of uber-technology, the lost art of conversation is sorely needed to help us restore a sense of true connection.

If all of us can practice these simple steps with conviction, we may not change the world tomorrow, but we’ll be a lot more prepared for the challenges ahead. People don’t stay committed to a cause because of frightening statistics, a bad economy, or divisive politics. Though fear (and hope, for that matter) can be a great mobilizer at times, for the road that lies ahead, we need a much stronger longer-lasting kind of bond. One that's been there all along, no matter our mood.

Our world now requires us to remember our roots; remember our connectedness; and remember our shared responsibility we have for each other’s well being and the well being of our planet. And at the risk of sounding blatantly cliché, we must indeed not only remember that we are all one, but we must inform our actions, big and small, with that deeper truth in order to be authentically engaged during these transformative times. We can't leave the job of mobilizing up to President Obama alone. We're in this together. So, let’s walk the talk and get relating. We’ve got work to do.

In peace,

Amy

Come join me for a new tele-class on Transforming Hope into Action in a Changing World starting February 23rd.